FORGIVENESS I met my husband at the State University of Geneseo, N.Y. while we were students. We were both in the biology department, but I had just transferred in as a sophomore from another college. Ted was what you would call a "Townie". That meant that he grew up in Geneseo and went to College there as well. (he hates that term!) |
| Our relationship blossomed and it wasn't long until I was invited to Ted's house for dinner. Since his father died when he was a teen, it was dinner with his mom Angie and younger sister Mary. |
| Mary was a horse nut like me and we became friends instantly. I really liked his mom and we became friends as well. |
My sophomore year ended, Ted graduated and by summer's end he was off to Liberia for a tour of duty with the Peace Corps. |
| Mary and I still "horsed" around, and Angie occasionally invited me to dinner, and included me in family get-togethers. I went on to do my internship at Rochester General Hospital School of Medical Technology. Ted and I continued to write or send audio tape messages to each other even though it took over two weeks for Ted to get mail while he was out in the bush country. |
| When Ted returned from the Peace Corps a year and a half later, we got engaged and Angie was pleased. We married a year later and Angie and I became closer all the while. I called her Mom and really felt like she was a second mother to me. |
| Another year and a half passed and Angie was delighted when we announced that we were expecting our first child. That pregnancy was very difficult and Angie encouraged me a great deal. When baby Mike was born she couldn't wait to hold him, and we even moved in with her for a few months while we waited for the closing on our home. |
| During my "difficult" pregnancy, I was forced to lay nearly motionless for several months. I have always found that when God puts you out of commission He is trying to get your attention. Well, He sure got mine! This was the beginning of Him making changes in me. I was in a great deal of pain and I was doing a lot more praying. God hammered me from four different directions to wake me up to a knowledge of who He really is and that He wanted a relationship with me. Those are stories for another time, but the result was that I became a "Born Again" Christian shortly after baby Mike was born. |
| Angie became alarmed about this change in me. She tried to talk me out of it, but when that didn't work, she began saying things to me and about me to others that were very hurtful. |
| Now, to her benefit, I think I understand why she was so upset about my becoming "Born Again". She had a friend that went to a "Born-Again" church that had such a disastrous ending that her friend needed counseling for a long time. Although this was an isolated incident Angie only saw that becoming "Born-Again" was a road to disaster. She feared for me, for her son, for our marriage and for her grandson. |
| Angie really clobbered me with hurtful remarks and I began to avoid her. Things got so bad that I finally stopped attending family functions because I wasn't sure what Ted's family thought of me from all that she was telling them. I still encouraged Ted to go visit his mother and take the kids, but I stayed away. |
Years passed and my relationship with my Mother-in-law grew cold. But my relationship with the Lord had grown and become very deep and I treasured it. I tried to live my faith, not just talk about it, and at times obedience to what I knew the Lord wanted me to do was difficult. The following describes one of those most difficult times. |
| I was driving home alone from Geneseo one day, and I can tell you ecactly where on the road I was when I heard the Lord speak to me. I heard him audibly as if He was visibly sitting in the seat beside me. |
| "So, you only love those who love you. What credit is that to you?" He paused and then continued, "For even the pagans do that."1. |
| The words just hung in the air, and the sting in my heart became stronger. I knew exactly what the Lord was referring to even though it wasn't stated, my non-relationship with Angie. |
| I had been so hurt by my mother-in-law; the thought of "loving" her was almost unthinkable. Yet I knew that what God had just asked of me required both forgiving her and loving her. How could I ever love or forgive someone who had hurt me so badly? The last thing I ever wanted to do was to go back and subject myself to her stinging comments. But this was exactly what God was asking of me. |
| I wrestled with my thoughts during the rest of my 15 minute drive home, but as I pulled into the driveway my love for my Lord Jesus Christ and my desire to live for Him won out. |
| "Ok Lord," I said, "I am willing to do as you ask, but you are going to have to love her through me and in spite of me because I don't feel love for her." |
| I really think we need to be honest with God. He knows our hearts regardless of what we voice. David in the Psalms cries out to God with his heartfelt pleas about his situation and the people in his life. God seems pleased with David because he had such an open relationship with God. After all, God calls David a man after his own heart. Just like David, we need to tell the Lord exactly how we feel. |
| I also think that being willing to do what God asks of us is important in spite of how we feel. The best way to show our love of God is to be obedient and that is independent of feelings and emotion. God is the author of love and no matter how hard I try I can't make myself love someone who is mean to me, but God can change my heart if only I am willing. |
| So, I began to think of what I could do to begin to start a new relationship with Angie. I finally decided that I would call her once a week, I'd just tell her about what the kids were doing and keep her updated on our family. |
| Angie seemed pleased that I called, but every time she would say something hurtful and I would have to restrain myself from responding in kind. I never said anything that I have regretted, and I am thankful for that. |
| Several months went by and I remember saying to my husband that I really couldn't feel bad any more. I was really trying to mend the fences between his mother and me. |
| As spring approached and the school went on Easter vacation for a week, I took the first day and went with the kids to visit with my parents. I told my mother about what I had been doing with Angie and she was really pleased. My parents both really liked Angie and wanted us to get along. |
| My mother asked me if I had ever taken Angie to lunch, just her and me and the kids? I told her no, we always went as a famiy. She suggested that I invite her to lunch with just the kids and me. I am convinced that God moved my mother to make that suggestion. It felt so right in my heart. |
| As soon as I got home that evening I called Angie and we decided to eat at the local Ponderosa on Wednesday at noon. |
| I drove to Angie's house to pick her up and we went to have lunch with the kids. Three miracles happened. First, the kids were angels! For having two hyperactive boys, they were amazingly well behaved. The second was that Mom never said an unkind thing to me the whole time we were together. We even went back to her house after lunch and sat on the porch and gabbed while the kids played on the lawn that warm spring day. The third miracle was that we had such a good time together that we hugged and decided to repeat the lunch with the kids plan again, and soon. |
| I really felt good about the reunion. It felt like old times when we got along so well in the past. I really had a peace about our relationship and I was glad that the Lord had prompted me to get back into a relationship with my mother-in-law. |
| That was Wednesday afternoon. |
| The following Tuesday we got a phone call. Angie had a heart attack and was in the hospital. |
| Ted and I both rushed to the hospital from our jobs. Ted arrived just in time to see his mother one last time, but by the time I got there she had passed away. |
| They say that God's timing is always perfect. This just proves it once again. Not even one week had passed since our lunch reunion until we lost Angie. |
| If I hadn't been obedient to God's challenge to forgive my mother-in-law, and to repair the damage between us, I would have missed the beautiful ending God had planned for us. I am grateful for His prompting, for His timing, for His forgiveness, and for His healing. |
| What God asks is that we be obedient. I didn't feel like "loving" my mother-in-law, but I was willing. I know that is what God is asking for. When we are obedient then He brings our hearts around to match our decisions. He gave me love for my mother-in-law that went beyond the natural. I didn't have to pretend to love her when we were together, it was real. And I was truly blessed. |
| Did you know that God tells us in the Bible that we are to forgive others or He will not forgive us? |
Even in the Lord's Prayer, we say, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." Matt 6:12 Matt6:14-15 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." |
| Forgiveness is not a choice for a Christian, it is a command. It does not depend upon our feelings, it is an act of obedience. If God is speaking to you about forgiving someone right now, just say Ok God, I am willing, and let Him do the rest. Be open to His prompting of how you should go about restoring your broken relationship, as He will lead you. It also does not matter if the other person is not willing to accept your forgiveness in the situation, it only matters that you are obedient to the Lord. |
Blessings in Christ,
Bonnie Saunders 1.Matt 5:46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? As God spoke to me, I recognized that it was in line with scripture. We should always check that what is spoken to us is Godly in nature or we should reject it. If you think God has spoken to you, always do the following:
1. Check to see that the message is in agreement with scripture.
2. See how it impacts your life. Does it help you grow in your walk with Jesus?
3. What is the fruit of it? If a word comes from God, and it is followed, it should produce good results. |
| If you are not a Christian but want to learn why and how to become a Christian, click on this text and you will go to a page that explains it. |
